During the summer my wife went to a Young Women Camp and I had the kids for almost a week. She suggested that I go visit my parents and I thought, "That's a great way to get some help with the kids."
What I didn't realize was the fun I was missing out on.
So this time she's at a Continued Education trip for a couple of days I'm going to stay home, and I'm going to discover the answer to many of life's mysteries...
These aren't the kind of mysteries that will help humanity, it's just the kind of thoughts men have from time to time, and the women of the world stop us from actually trying them.
How fast will a sled go down the stairs?
How many kids can stay on a sled that is going down the stairs?
What would happen if I combined baking soda and vinegar in a Kitchen-Aid mixer?
What is a mini-van really capable of?
Would the kids actually jump off the roof of the house onto the trampoline?
Can I cut frozen meat with a skill saw?
Does everything really taste better with Bacon?
How late can I sleep in and have the kids still catch the bus?
Would eating a gallon of ice cream really make a three-year-old sick? How 'bout a thirty-plus-year-old?
Does cooked spaghetti stick to a moving ceiling fan?
Do Twilight DVD's survive a bonfire?
And when my wife gets home, the house will be mostly clean, the kids will be alive, and although she may wonder how we got tire tracks up the shed wall, or how a toothpaste stain got on the ceiling of the playroom, she'll be so happy to see me she won't even worry about those things... I hope.
The other day I was in the pharmacy getting some allergy medicine for my wife and I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the warnings on the box. If you want a good laugh, go read some warnings on medicine some time.
Excitability may occur
Alcohol, sedatives and tranquilizers may increase drowsiness
Drowsiness may occur
So I'm not sure if this thing was just trying to cover all it's bases but the pill can either cause excitability or drowsiness. That's like the weather forecast saying that it may rain, snow, or be sunny just to make sure they are never wrong. That part I can sort of understand, maybe some crazy will try to sue them if they take the pill then get sleepy. Or someone who takes the pill before going to bed may blame them for not being able to sleep. Perhaps they should have included that the pill may have no impact whatsoever on one's energy, just in case someone has a false expectation.
The middle warning is what really confuses me. Tranquilizers may increase drowsiness. I would hope so, if not what's the point of the tranquilizer? But one minor detail... this is not a tranquilizer, it's an allergy pill.
Why not include in there that speeding may cause an accident, or studying will cause you to do well on a test. It seems like a waste of print space to include that taking a sedative, or tranquilizer 'may' make you drowsy.
So I have created my own list that should be printed on the back of every medicine, in case someone should not know these things:
Opening your eyes may cause you to see something.
Listening may cause you to learn something.
Never shutting up may cause you to lose friends.
Drinking water may cause you to not be thirsty.
Swimming may cause wetness.
Owning chickens may cause you to get eggs in the morning.
Owning a rooster may cause you to lose sleep in the morning.
Watching Twilight may cause drowsiness.
Watching Twilight may cause excitability.
Reading this list may cause you to waste moments of your life that you will never get back.
From the Mind of Buffington
This is a section that just has random silly thoughts that come to me from time to time. It is not meant to be taken seriously.